We think that parenting is about nurturing and building our children. We think that raising them is about seeing to their needs and making sure that they have the tools, character, spirit and vision to become successful adults in life. And yet what we don't realize initially is how powerfully we learn what it must be for our Heavenly Father as a father to us, until the stages of our lives, choices and sometimes heartache, find avenues of personal growth as each path and decade offers additional knowledge, insight and sensitivity. We don't understand the depth of His devotion and love for us until our own children become old enough to gather definitive ideas of what we should be and subsequently cultivate sometimes unyielding and opinionated perceptions of how our parenting measures up. What must it be like for Him, as God, to transcend the mortal pain we feel as we encounter the same ebb and flow of favor we shamefully allow Him and begin to receive from our own children during their checkpoints of life.
I read a quote this morning: "A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." It touched me deeply as all children come to an age where burgeoning opinions often are directed towards parents and sometimes find painful critique; critique that is based upon their limited experiences and though truth in what they know at the time, doesn't fully illuminate all that there is to understand until life brings with it similar circumstances that provide broader perspective and finally the warmth of compassion and tearful connection. It reminds me, however, that even though their sight may not be twenty-twenty, it is crucial to give succor and significance to those feelings nonetheless; for they are real, and validation is part and parcel to developing children and their ability to reciprocate compassion.
Grandad did that for me; it did not matter what choices I made, foolish or not, what opinions I had, untried or tried, except that I knew he unequivocally valued me, respected my talents, understood my often passionate thoughts, and yet ever-patiently allowed me the course of my maturity. He never made me feel less than, stupid, or ignorant just for the freedom of my thoughts and choices - regardless of how they turned out.
I recently read a study which demarcated an epidemic of divide and silence among families, children, and parents. Silence. A curious word which implies quiet or nothing. And yet silence is damaging in a variety of heart-breaking ways. Silence allows for the creation of illusory stories, stories which are built within each of us to fortify against hurt or to underscore our own often one-sided conclusions. Silence. Often embraced out of cowardice or used as a weapon. Silence. One that finds many in heartbreaking anguish, too worried to voice their needs for the shame of what they may feel. Silence - yet another avenue used by Satan to manipulate and mock God by the misuse of it; for Silence should be the most sacred gift since it was given to us in tandem with the gift of His resurrection. Silence is for the Gift of the Holy Ghost and given to us so that we might feel the stillness, peace, love and direction that brings with it all that is necessary to emulate a life of Love and compassion, promise and direction.
As life struggles tumble down upon us and sometimes become more burdensome than we can care to manage, who do we run to first? When is it that we relent a previous opinion because we require the help? God, our Father, for certain; but definitely our earthly parents - those who gave us birth, provided a home, offered love in a variety of ways while yet growing and shaking off the remnants of their own sometimes rocky launch into adulthood. A lesson continually presented and given as an opportunity to embrace compassion as every single one of us hit stages that compel us to truly see, seek, appreciate and honor our own. To remember as these lessons hit us how we also honor our Father who is in Heaven and look past what we think we know to embrace his guidance.
A circle of love, a lesson in living. An opportunity to understand our parents in ways that we have never thought and to be given a clear choice to extend that love for always rather than to give or reject relationships just for the selfishness of defending our own emotional safety. Judgment has no place if love is what we seek. No matter what. No boundaries. No stipulations. Regardless of the hurt, justified or not, learning curves for each of us come at different times, in different places, and are revisited or last for the duration required for us to come into full and profound personal knowledge and testimony. Just as we were hand-selected and placed into the families we were born into, each curve in life is specifically tailored to give us the circumstances that will mold and refine the individual gifts we were also blessed with to Shine our lights and to lead others to the happiness, unconditional love, and compassion so freely offered in Christ.
There are many times even now, as I consider my own life and entrance into adulthood and see others of all ages see the fruit of their history as well, that I understand even more fully, with the self-same passion I often attach to ideas, that honoring our parents, honors God. Well into my adulthood, I measured my parents against idealism rather than honoring them for who they were and what they brought as individual people. It wasn't until I released them from the age-old mold and gave up pride to see through their lenses, that I understood the depth of their love on such a penetrating level. I accepted with full joy, in a rush of warmth, their individual ways they offered it and knew without a doubt that they were more consciously aware of their failings than I ever thought to accuse. Oh, the love of parents for their children. Oh, the love of our Father in Heaven with us. How do we choose to give and receive love? Do we do so only according to our own stipulations? No - for a rich inheritance is one which cultivates compassion, nourishes generations, and sets our offspring continually ahead of a learning curve. John 3:16-18 captured it perfectly:
"For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sewn in peace of them who make peace."
Give Love; be Love. Honor your parents, nourish and encourage your children. Refrain from divide and remember most of all that every single angst we have in the nurturing of our own, is one that Heavenly Father encounters daily from us and one that we are guilty of ourselves even as aged adults in some of the harboring memories of our own parents. To truly honor our families we must release each other from the narrow confines of their shoulds so that we give and receive their individual, unique, but emotion-packed and powerful feelings for us. Yes, Give Love; be Love.
Blessings.
Love, Bec
Living Joy - This Carman Girl
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