Film Reel

For many of us, those things we fear the most, we inadvertently encourage and allow to flourish. I find it interesting that our greatest fears can inevitably become our worst demons; the farther we run, the faster they follow. The higher the ladder of social regard, the more elusive strong ties. Seeking wealth and recognition often courts financial woes and revisits identity - the same with higher education and title. There is no ceiling; the effort to become better, smarter, revered and lauded, only drives the internal meter which can invite dread of crushing failure. Overachievers in isolation - although the center of focus in a crowd, they are the most prone to anxiety and finding rejection. So it is with any need to fit in, be validated, or to vie for external measurements of self-importance.

As I sit back to review the evolution of my soul, dreams, yearning and determination, I am thankful for the lessons and steps that have brought me to the now. I'm thankful for the circumstances and gifts I've experienced as to the truth of worth and the privilege it is to be alive every single moment, every single day. I am thankful for the testing of physical difficulty and how the endurance of such gives a view and change into perspectives of wholeness and valuation.

In recent months, as every week has brought with it more insight, more blessings, more opportunity for contemplation and introspection - as circumstances have raised our faith in God and changed thoughts and attitudes - I cannot help but feel my soul sing a song that cannot be quieted. As my heart and my hands feel firmly planted within the heart and hands of my husband in the midst of trial and difficulty, I cannot help but recognize the value of humanity and the infinite power and care that comes from our Heavenly Father. I cannot help but cry joy over the tender mercies extended every single day - from the seemingly insignificant to those of momentous import - all of which point unequivocally to God's tenderness, direction, and wish for our happiness. It's an absolute ceding of control in exchange for a limitless allowance of opportunity that would yield incomprehensible blessings and dividends of prosperity that even so, are too vast to quantify or categorize.

I feel the absolute connection to wholeness. Pursuit of those things which I previously used to shore up safety no longer occupy the corners of anxiety and need. It has my thoughts reassessing what is termed "trial" and if there really is such a thing. We have too much to give; we all have too much to share. We either live with needy intent, however unconscious, meeting each day's demands from the ever-changing value of our own self-perception, or we walk with the power and gait of the profound knowledge of our Divine worth - unchanging, kind, joyful, generous - gliding through each day in happiness, patience, softness and compassion.

Characteristics which I once deemed to be pinnacles of personal fault have now yet been proven as the precious matter of my core. Passion, empathy, intensity. Hmmmm, perhaps "moderation in all things" along with measured doses of temperance administered at regular intervals, would carry me farther, faster. Laughs. Perhaps, indeed. But, oh! The love inside each of us transcends any flaw we could ever imagine; and the acceptance of such can transform the way in which we view and interact with those whom we meet. Matters of differences, equality, fairness, struggle, disappointment, diversity, equity - they are as naught. To finally know to stand fully within our power, to stride confidently and yet humbly within the strength and knowledge of being, is to realize that the happiness we seek can only be multiplied and magnified by the generosity in which we give. And that is to ourselves as well. This is to understand life completely.

Each one of us has a purpose and an importance to being alive. The relative dormancy of such recognition rests upon the individual choices we make to accept all that comes our way and to joyfully insist upon thriving outside of any worldly definition. And not by force either - not by bullying, dominating, or struggling for it. No, but rather by embracing with all of our hearts and both our hands, the truth of our worth with full confidence, and living each moment to maximum capacity. For the truth of our worth has been waiting patiently to be noticed as each replay and rewind of thought and ambition, perception and action, brings us closer to the light of day and out of the edit rooms of apprehension and insecurity. Into Life. Into a life lived in vibrant color, appreciation and detail - a veritable film reel that magnifies our own unique spirits and yet speaks of every other - souls who are not just simply enough, but beautiful.

Living Joy - This Carman Girl