Too many people live in survival; too many people are waiting for tomorrow and the tomorrow after that to "begin" or to "get there." I count myself among them in a number of ways even knowing what I know and having learned what I have learned. Too many people rate themselves upon their reflection in a mirror, the relative size of their bank accounts (be them large or small), household goods, job positions, title, who they know, or what they can contribute. Too many people wait for happiness as if it were a commodity to obtain, choosing to allow areas of their lives to languish in disappointment, sadness, and excuses, waiting for the magic rainbow to appear suddenly, but missing even the smallest refraction of joy because they've allowed their lenses to be mottled by the cloudiness of dissatisfaction and envy.
Of those of us who have decided once and for all that we would deny negativity the rights to our lives - to see and seek every thing that is " ...true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable... " (see Philippians 4:8), what a force of glory it is! For it is only within the silence of truth and sitting within the pool of light shining from the love of God for each of us, that we can ever acknowledge the solemn sanctity of our own inherent gifts, talents, and the rights that are exclusively ours for the having. Significant. Meaningful. The single-most key to enjoying this life and to wanting, wishing, and encouraging others to have and maximize their own.
I'm watching my husband draw right now. I'm watching the swift brush-strokes of his fingers create profiles, landscapes, beauty. And the impact of such has hit me full force; I realize in waves of emotion how much my husband loves me. I see a man who spent the bulk of his life doing what he ought to - living in strain and shoulds at the expense of his health, peace, and physicality - and I know that his choice in seeking me was not idle. To realize that he placed his want for love, completion, and happiness for the rest of his life upon the risk of me - of what I might bring to him with what he would willingly gift to me - is staggering. The weight of his trust that I might be the stars in the sky for the remainder of his future, melts my soul more than I could possibly express. Tears well up. I love him with every breath in my body. I love his gentleness, humor, laughter, quirks, talents, discussion, intellect, emotion. I love how he is a rock of wisdom and an incredible leader to my children. He is my very heart beat. He set his hope upon a pedestal without reserve for me to either accept or reject it, leaving forty years of want behind and inviting me to share forty more that would supersede the old and bask in the cleansing renewal of us.
I think of others in love; I think of marriage, children, friends, experiences. Every single one of us in our hearts don't ever make choices of sharing and vulnerability idly. Every single one of our spouses chose us, fell in love with us, hoped for a life together, and wanted. There are some people who choose relationships to escape, moving from one to another because they haven't reconciled the responsibility of their own needs. Some run from the very commitments they seek, allowing crippling fear to form a mask of selfishness, turning to the transience of outside recognition and affirmation as a means to stay relevant - a heavy, stifling cloak firmly buttoned up, protecting inner instability and unresolved inadequacy. Some bury themselves in layers and walls, avoidance and vices. And some see what they have as they have it but allow familiarity to slide into complacency, thus undermining a sacred union that could be sure and true.
Life is Love; we are love in tangible creation. We are not only miracles of creation bestowed with the same ability, but we have been given the power to nourish and nurture our life-span with every thought we think and every word we speak. And while many would snub such shores as trite and redundant, it is actually layered and deep - oceans upon oceans of ownership and intent, sharing and release - anchored in a great vastness of opportunity to seize the tranquility that comes from the richness of exploration, and to disavow the enclaves of habit in favor of isles of intimacy, shimmering sands and setting suns.
Love does not waver upon disappointment, circumstance, health, or attitude. Love does not trip over the mundane nor dwell in the ins and outs of fear and misunderstanding. Love is a privilege and available to everyone without restriction and with unyielding invitation. And unless and until we understand the simplicity of what love requires, accept its condition for the unconditional alone, then we will not know its release nor the tremendous measure of our personal worth and appreciate, in vital truth, what it is others offer us with all of their hearts.
As I glance over at my husband to see his easy happiness, I feel it more strongly than before; his smile is light as if it has always been there. His movements are content and purposeful. And I feel extraordinarily blessed beyond measure. I think of my children and just how much they have thrived under a roof of such commitment and walls that echo so much laughter. And I have to say that I think that the witness of it today has surely had me reflect that Sunday mornings are indeed my most favorite. Time with the Lord, time with my husband, time with our children. Creation in every moment breathed into Being through Love.
Living Joy - This Carman Girl
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