Slingshot

Internal truths come in and out of focus as the desires of our souls war with desperate need for the immediate relief and succor of love and peace. We have found the truth; we have set our course with excitement and a sense of resolution. Yet rocks kick up and crack the windshield of our vision, causing panic first, momentary distortion, and then a fear which threatens the determination to pursue and live what we really know to be true. Our steering veers and we reach for the safety of a guard rail and stall. Complete full stop. It is neither the rock nor the crack in the windshield that is dangerous then, but our choice in reaction that follows. The delay has given leave for that buried part of us that was not fully committed or lacked the belief or courage in self, an opportunity to capitalize on the instability.

Uncertainty. Questions. Temptations. We reach for the ignition wanting to get back on the road. Hoping, wishing, even foolishly thinking that our half-hearted attempt to gain the blacktop might somehow alleviate the shrinking truth that part of us fears real joy and wouldn't mind if the tires spun for just a little longer. We are safe for the moment under the excuse of poor circumstance, using that as our avoidance tactic to disown any personal responsibility.

Yielding to the temptation to linger in instability gives a false sense of serenity; the pressure is no longer there to find the joy or actualization in the distant goal, and the ease in being able to reach for ready comfort briefly assuages any feelings of despair in the detour. A sigh of relief almost belies the disappointment of the cracked glass. Almost. But not really.

Choosing to stay even moments leads to inner commentary that would allow us to slide further off the road and into the ditch. We justify it because we know the truth is out there. We have learned. The knowledge is sure. We know the steps that it will take to reach our goal. And yet the ever-seeking mind that is scared of true life-living, terrified in fact, of feeling like we deserve an existence so pure it sings to all of our senses, grasps onto any internal dialogue to delay the route.

We decide that if the knowledge is there and we can obtain our goal at anytime then it is acceptable to slide this once, for this circumstance. After all, we didn't ask the rock to fling drama and difficulty into our day. We tell ourselves that we can be even more determined or more successful the next time we turn the key and try the ignition. The recesses of our conscience gnaws around the edges, fully aware that we seek pardon and leniency for not addressing our fears. We want to feel justified in staying motionless in a ditch. Prone. Safe. Suspended from reality.

In a relatively whole frame of mind one small allowance into traction might be possible. But the mindset can rapidly lead to more insidious self-deceit. For no one knows what life will throw next, nor how quickly and with what power. And each little jolt, bump, downpour or calamity can spiral even farther until the sure knowledge we had is lost almost completely. Miles and miles of progress gone in the trade-out for instant comfort versus sustaining joy.

It reminds one of a slingshot. Loose and easily maneuvered at the beginning, but once pulled back, it loses the elasticity of resilience and can be so taut it tests the very strength of its design. Just how far one pulls could very well determine the distance that may bring great learning. Yet none of us know when the pressure could actually cause it to snap, stinging fingers and flinging broken pieces.

Often, the path to learning requires that we step back. It enhances, reinforces and gives us the sure knowledge to gain distance, even. But if we pull back, testing our strength after our knowledge is complete and then choose to slide off the road out of pure fear, that is when we dance and play with depression and disaster of our own making.

Slingshot. How far back will we go to spring forward? Do we test the very limits? How far forward do we want to go? Does the everyday living that brings with it stress, hurry, work, responsibility and the occasional broken vehicle give us license to slide into the ditch? And how far, how often, will we test the endurance of the slingshot before finally having the courage to let go?

Living Joy - This Carman Girl