I was thinking about all the little lies we embrace to assuage our guilt over the decisions that stilt growth. And always the first lie we tell ourselves is that there is Time. We will get another chance. We can change even still another day. And so we relax the hold of honoring ourselves and others simply by recitation and blind self-deceit, with little more than a half-hearted intention to make it so come the morrow.
And I say "half-hearted intent" because Desire is the conniving impostor that would have us fall into the second lie. For we think that since we have one hundred percent desire, that our intent is pure and we will thus find the fruition of our goals. And so we swallow the first lie and slide easily into the second...
For Desire is rarely interested in strong foundations. Desire seeks instant gratification and is enamored of the trappings and appearance of becoming rather than truly, deeply arriving. Desire is anchorless. Desire shifts with the next opportunity or fades at the first sign of reluctance and rarely stays around to find meaning. Desire really is half-hearted intent.
And what if there's not one more day? What if there isn't another opportunity to live our own truth? What if what we think defines our most honest representation of self, never returns or we lose out to heartache so bitter we're not certain we can recover? What if we have to define and build a life outside of the very thing we have been certain was ours to possess?
Well, that would certainly eliminate the lies, the insidious masks of avoidance and delay, and fully reveal the truth of our initial intent. Finally, we might just recognize the barest foundations of Joy.
I have discovered that although loss has been a springboard for growth within me, the acceptance of Love in my basest state, is what has moved me from broken to arriving. To imagine that I am worth something in the depths of hell and even in fractured, uncertain conditions, has been the gift that has guided me into a forward motion of authenticity and Joy.
We are Choice. We Matter. We are Divine. We are enough now. And I am reminded humbly over and over again as I have come in and out of the acceptance that I am innately of worth. I am reminded most when I flirt with the edges of danger, expecting a fallout, but yet instead find inexplicable success. And the magnitude of this Love hits me sideways and brings me to tears. For it has always been there and doesn't wish for me to weep or want...
This Love...
Waits for us to see. This Love gives in all ways no matter our condition. This Love waits for us to leave all lies behind and recognize the awareness of what Is. It gently leads us to see clearly that worth has nothing to do with where we are, but with who we are. And who we are has always been, protected from layers of pain and man-made turmoil. Who we are waits to not only be discovered, but allowed the unrestrained freedom to burst into full bloom and beckon others to do the same.
So I begin to understand...
That the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we must work and prove, sweat and struggle to deserve being worthy. And I know deep inside, that the Love of God does not rest upon our own fallacies of struggle and pain. The Love of God is constant, unchanging. It is a space of Being and not an action. It is what we only have to fall into, to find solace, joy and freedom.
This Love...This Love already exists within us.
- This Carman Girl
And I say "half-hearted intent" because Desire is the conniving impostor that would have us fall into the second lie. For we think that since we have one hundred percent desire, that our intent is pure and we will thus find the fruition of our goals. And so we swallow the first lie and slide easily into the second...
For Desire is rarely interested in strong foundations. Desire seeks instant gratification and is enamored of the trappings and appearance of becoming rather than truly, deeply arriving. Desire is anchorless. Desire shifts with the next opportunity or fades at the first sign of reluctance and rarely stays around to find meaning. Desire really is half-hearted intent.
And what if there's not one more day? What if there isn't another opportunity to live our own truth? What if what we think defines our most honest representation of self, never returns or we lose out to heartache so bitter we're not certain we can recover? What if we have to define and build a life outside of the very thing we have been certain was ours to possess?
Well, that would certainly eliminate the lies, the insidious masks of avoidance and delay, and fully reveal the truth of our initial intent. Finally, we might just recognize the barest foundations of Joy.
I have discovered that although loss has been a springboard for growth within me, the acceptance of Love in my basest state, is what has moved me from broken to arriving. To imagine that I am worth something in the depths of hell and even in fractured, uncertain conditions, has been the gift that has guided me into a forward motion of authenticity and Joy.
We are Choice. We Matter. We are Divine. We are enough now. And I am reminded humbly over and over again as I have come in and out of the acceptance that I am innately of worth. I am reminded most when I flirt with the edges of danger, expecting a fallout, but yet instead find inexplicable success. And the magnitude of this Love hits me sideways and brings me to tears. For it has always been there and doesn't wish for me to weep or want...
This Love...
Waits for us to see. This Love gives in all ways no matter our condition. This Love waits for us to leave all lies behind and recognize the awareness of what Is. It gently leads us to see clearly that worth has nothing to do with where we are, but with who we are. And who we are has always been, protected from layers of pain and man-made turmoil. Who we are waits to not only be discovered, but allowed the unrestrained freedom to burst into full bloom and beckon others to do the same.
So I begin to understand...
That the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we must work and prove, sweat and struggle to deserve being worthy. And I know deep inside, that the Love of God does not rest upon our own fallacies of struggle and pain. The Love of God is constant, unchanging. It is a space of Being and not an action. It is what we only have to fall into, to find solace, joy and freedom.
This Love...This Love already exists within us.
- This Carman Girl
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