There are relationships that flounder on for years, often disconnected and in total disintegration from not only communication, but the desertion of the naive and an unwillingness to peel at the scabs of old wounds. Scabs that have been picked on occasion in bouts of bleeding torment and still seep enough abysmal despondency as to remain unhealed, raw. And a total, final point of no return breaks on the dawn of one lonely morning, layered in a heavy dampness of depression so thick and devastating because the fairytale was not only over, but it had never been.
And along the edges of a back alley dumpster, Ego has finally been stripped to naked in such a way that it might actually find the recognition of all that it contributed and become a catalyst for change. A new beginning. Awareness of what Being is and what relationships actually look like. They are not a fairytale. No, relationships shouldn't ever be undermined like that; they are a kingdom, a universe. They are so much more if we would open the scope of the limitations and expectations that burden, confine and leech the divine out of the happiness of union.
The secrets to couplehood rest in all that it is to magnify ourselves - to build our own individual person and to understand unequivocally, that happiness and fulfillment is something that can only come from ourselves, to ourselves. And to imagine that someone else should fill places of inadequacy is to already doom the relationship.
Love is never an exchange. It is an attitude of Being. And if we don't live within our own loving Being, then we cannot share it with another. We must understand the pivotal differences between sharing, which is basking in wholeness meeting wholeness, and giving, which assumes that the other is empty and endeavors to fill them. And although a noble thought to give someone their self-esteem, it only allows them opportunity to ignore their personal responsibility to their sacred selves, avoid growth and dwell in selfishness.
It is selfish to accept and live within poor self-esteem. We cannot give Love; we share Love. It is a space of existence. And if we love ourselves properly in all the ways that would magnify and enhance our being, then it is a limitless expanse of joy that leaves fairytales to their artificial and unfulfilled endings and finds an eternal realm of consciousness like none other.
As young giddy couples, none of this ever even registers on our radar. We are so lost in the euphoria of shared happiness, that it would be impossible to imagine that we could ever encounter disappointment or upset. We're not even aware of whether individually we are needy, taking or filling. All we can think of is our dreams, our goals, white picket fences and laughter spilling over in a cacophony of sound that matches the untried ideals of our youth.
But with familiarity, life changes and children, the basis and conditions of self esteem can rear an ugly head and commiserate with ego, compare all to the fairy tales and thus invite disenchantment. At which point the recognition of any unresolved issues have opportunity to move into awareness and invite a place of reckoning - examination and discovery of ourselves so that we may understand our own patterns that could possibly contribute to dissension within the bliss.
An ownership of self-acceptance, motive, need and expectation - to find that self-acceptance cannot ever be in truth until we have realized our own worth in our most broken places. That is where foundations of Love begin. And that is where we have the ability to let go of the misery it is to demand perfection of our spouses.
That is where the freedom to be and to allow another to be, finds flight.
It is when we disallow and release our partner from perfection and take them as they are that we open a space of love so brilliant - beyond all judgment - that all experiences and feelings find the freedom and room to grow and shift into light. And that is when couplehood falls into a realm far brighter than any fairytale - a richer kingdom filled with endless mornings of possibility and purpose, sleepy afternoons, echoes of uninhibited laughter and sustaining commitment lasting for all time.
- This Carman Girl
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