There are moments in our lives - sometimes days, hours, perhaps even weeks - when the things we grapple with most create a divide of loneliness, difficulty, angst and unease. Somber and deep, a heavy blanket of melancholy sets in even when there is possible resolution or direction. Unfulfilled wanting wells up within our hearts and sets its pace to a listless, irregular, thrumming beat of simple aching.
A few years ago, I had such a moment descend, felt tears behind my eyes and allowed my thoughts to drift toward settling for the old since the parameters of pain were ones I already knew. Fear of the unknown cliff and what would or would not happen, lay before me in the stark black stretch of evening as I drove in aimless direction. I felt compelled to visit a bookstore and would have laughed at how completely ridiculous it was since it could be little more than an internal ploy considering my unquenchable voracity for books. But more soberly, I found myself directed to one that I rarely frequented.
Lost in the contemplation of dreams, goals, wants, needs, desire and even thoughtful dissection of what had transpired in my life up until that point, I entered the store. As this one was set up entirely differently than my favorite location, I passed through sections and topics I wouldn't normally have seen. I fingered volumes and sifted through books about love, life, transition and release, and then found myself drawn to the section of biographies.
A stillness descended within my soul as my eyes took in numerous books dedicated to the telling of lives. Secrets, experiences, knowledge. Illness. Triumph. Greatness. War. Slavery. Art. There were so many. Volumes upon volumes of famous and little known people who graced our world and left their mark. And almost unwittingly, I fell into awe and reverence.
I considered different stories and looked at multitudes of people. I remembered with fondness, actors, newsmen, leaders, and authors who taught us more than we would think to teach ourselves. And then I realized with humbling clarity that I was surrounded by greatness. More than that, I was surrounded by ordinary people who with no more nor less opportunity than I, chose to leap beyond their own fears to reach with unfaltering grace for their highest potential. To dare to risk for the right of their own consequence.
I felt warmth, light, peace, presence. Their presence. As if thousands of voices were filling my soul with the experience of centuries and gifting me with the profound knowledge that every moment I, too, had opportunity to walk within my own greatness; that what separated them from me was choice. And what would merge my spirit with theirs would be lack of cowardice and the stalwart determination to freely accept new direction.
I marveled at how sweetly and tenderly my every need was met that night. Great care had been extended to me by an ever-loving, all-knowing Heavenly Father. I understood then more than I ever had, that those things we cling to can be let go and that change and transition are ours to take. That we are never alone.
I left lighter, freer, higher. A smile singing through my veins and an appreciation in tears that fell from my cheeks for the grace of those who chose to accept opportunity, and left this earth having not only fulfilled their own greatness, but left footprints and lessons so that we could walk within ours.
Lost in the contemplation of dreams, goals, wants, needs, desire and even thoughtful dissection of what had transpired in my life up until that point, I entered the store. As this one was set up entirely differently than my favorite location, I passed through sections and topics I wouldn't normally have seen. I fingered volumes and sifted through books about love, life, transition and release, and then found myself drawn to the section of biographies.
A stillness descended within my soul as my eyes took in numerous books dedicated to the telling of lives. Secrets, experiences, knowledge. Illness. Triumph. Greatness. War. Slavery. Art. There were so many. Volumes upon volumes of famous and little known people who graced our world and left their mark. And almost unwittingly, I fell into awe and reverence.
I considered different stories and looked at multitudes of people. I remembered with fondness, actors, newsmen, leaders, and authors who taught us more than we would think to teach ourselves. And then I realized with humbling clarity that I was surrounded by greatness. More than that, I was surrounded by ordinary people who with no more nor less opportunity than I, chose to leap beyond their own fears to reach with unfaltering grace for their highest potential. To dare to risk for the right of their own consequence.
I felt warmth, light, peace, presence. Their presence. As if thousands of voices were filling my soul with the experience of centuries and gifting me with the profound knowledge that every moment I, too, had opportunity to walk within my own greatness; that what separated them from me was choice. And what would merge my spirit with theirs would be lack of cowardice and the stalwart determination to freely accept new direction.
I marveled at how sweetly and tenderly my every need was met that night. Great care had been extended to me by an ever-loving, all-knowing Heavenly Father. I understood then more than I ever had, that those things we cling to can be let go and that change and transition are ours to take. That we are never alone.
I left lighter, freer, higher. A smile singing through my veins and an appreciation in tears that fell from my cheeks for the grace of those who chose to accept opportunity, and left this earth having not only fulfilled their own greatness, but left footprints and lessons so that we could walk within ours.
- This Carman Girl
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