Cosmos

I was reminded of the wisdom given to me through the rites of passage of a twelve-year-old; a blessing, if you will, for my personal lifetime. I was counseled to avoid idleness and unimportant activities, to seek leisure and happiness, but to also use my time wisely. And I think of it often as I gather knowledge day in and day out, explore the inside of my soul and express this joy and share it with others. I am especially reminded as I feel some kind of internal meter that urges me to speed up my processes, sidestep and move ahead; to abandon all negativity and engage in the kind of living that would reach out to others and beckon them to feel the same. And I think of a recent conversation in the middle of the night of shared epiphany and mutual exchange: The news of a woman, a mother so-very-young, just diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. Abruptly. Shockingly. A stark and unshakable reality.

I had always thought that the wisdom given in my youth meant that I couldn't hang out overly long with my friends; that I'd have to throw away my bubble gum and not get to play the Intellivision more than parental limits allowed. And as I moved into early adulthood, I recognized that if I had extra time on my hands, it only served to feed my emotional angst, fueling the eating disorders and crippling issues that surrounded my early struggles for identity.

Of late, as I have walked fully within the now, basking in wholeness, light, laughter and a realm of happiness too large to confine my spirit, I have thought in humorous respect, that it might suggest and issue statement for the length of time I spend on the social network. Smiles. Even still, as this internal clock seems to propel me farther and my eternal perspective begins to overshadow my physical blinders, I hear these stories of life cut short, and the counsel of so long ago slides deeply into the center of my spirit in steady, steel awareness. Somber, yet important. Neither sad, but all the more entreating.

For each of us were blessed to grace this earth with individual gifts, experiences, and choices that would offer up the potential to move us into all that we already are, so that we might step into the power that would build legacy and shape the outlook of generations to come. Some of us have put it off far too long, having been seduced by the prevalence of negativity in others or the fear and esteem of what the world might think.

And I ponder that very thought. We have been so concerned with being enough that we continue to breed generations of anxious, depressed and searching people - it is all of our own making. When we accept the deceit of our small selves, we consign others to it. It is unpopular to find and exercise wholeness in environments which recognize only intimidation, jealousy and silence. We have not taught, nurtured or nourished the idea that each of us is magnificent and unique - or that it is, in fact, insecurity, vice and imperfection that offer catalysts for not only change, but the acceptance and love for ourselves and others. An emancipation of self brought on by the transparency of vulnerability.

And as much as there are countless books advocating, teaching, sharing messages of wholeness and light, it is still ill-considered to bask in it and live large for fear of offending a neighbor, or appearing too self-absorbed. So we remain nations of smallness, sharing backdoor angst instead of promoting the sacred selves of each other. And I wonder what it would take for those of us who have gotten it to be able to supersede the old messages, encourage triumph and spread a tidal wave of gladness and joy. Yes, those of us who have stared down the depths of our most personal hell, and had everything finally click into place in the middle of the shattered dark - to have landed so hard at the bottom that nothing less than truth and happiness could ever sustain us thereafter.

To want only to bask in collective Love...

And so I think of this mother who has children not quite out of high school, who, like so many others who have been given the verdict of their impending mortality, and what it must be for her to find closure and peace. She is compelled to take stock of her life as we may continue to choose to live in ignorance, procrastination and the hollow promises of tomorrow's tomorrow. And then I feel it even more strongly than before, that if we are here to fulfill our own personal gifts, that we must not waste one moment. That all that we are, all that we can give, and all that we must learn, must be actively engaged in service and gratitude. To fully implement stepping out of "me" to walk within the being that implores us to move into another space of living entirely.

I don't pretend to think or make some clandestine declaration of my own life span, nor my own influence or whether it is of necessary import; but I do know that truth remains and wisdom is its advocate. And so I take another deep breath, laughing ruefully, as I suppose that Carman girls should probably find less intense avenues of being. Nevertheless, I cannot help this never-half, always full-throttle sort of attitude. I seem to down shot glasses filled with equal portions of potency, fierceness and perseverance. And sometimes when I'm midway through a cause, I often find myself facing the very humbling, often mortifying merits of temperance as well. And poking fun at myself, I ask - How does one contain a woman who doesn't know how to prepare for a party with anything less than enough food to throw humanity into total overload?

Never enough giving, but always replete...

Yes, a reminder that it is up to us to manage every precious moment of this living experience, and to gift ourselves with the grace and the process to be all that we are. For it is in gifting to ourselves that we deliver limitless love.

Heaven on Earth...

- This Carman Girl