Vault

I was thinking about how the dips and turns of circumstance can pile up like discarded history books that collect, one after another, until they weigh down the backpack of life. Shoulders hunched, aching from the enormous strain and responsibility. And every event thereafter, no matter what positive new direction it seeks, reacts from the contents and burden of familiar history first.

In the matter of friends, partners, family - the rifts that have long been resolved, no matter what, retain a small thread of negativity. And even though we think that we have released the history because we feel loving, trusting and free from the miscommunication or trials of yesterday, I submit that we really haven't. No, we still carry some of it around. Residual, but there all the same. Consider this:
 

The link that reveals itself is so subtle in manner we're not even aware of the bondage. It is when we are in a like scenario from one of history past, that our response, although void of suspect negativity, remembers stamina. Endurance remembers history no matter what, especially history that was of enormous challenge. And once we feel the labor of endurance, then we have allowed discarded air back into our path and have closed off the opportunity to experience fresh oxygen.

We then cannot see current issue with fresh eyesight.

Take those who fall into depression, struggle with career, or a person with a disability. They reach, they conquer, they continue. Another hurdle presents itself. They reach, they conquer, they continue. And so on until by the time the scenario has addressed itself multiple times, the relativity of mental exhaustion amplifies in like manner.

Mental exhaustion translates to endurance. Endurance translates into the inability to see clear space with unguarded eyes. And oh, isn't that subtle?

Indeed.

But there are lessons to be learned as well. Often the things we revisit the most happen because our behaviors and attitudes haven't changed entirely in a complete paradigm shift and thus invite the same. And we have to ask ourselves whether we truly want to move on and leave the cumbersome volumes to the archives. We must not want to accept "endurance" as an inevitable literary series as a prologue to each study session in life.

No, we must want to shift entirely and leave the past where it lies, deny endurance its position and become friends with perspicuity. Clean.

 

- This Carman Girl