Today's news is personal; I thought that perhaps it might be too personal, but I can't hold back the greatness of God nor His ever-abiding love and care for us. So, I feel compelled to put everything out there. Smiles. (Like I don't over-share anyway!) But it comes from my heart and I wish it to pour into anyone who feels alone, hopeless, tired, or in need.
I'm always trying to better myself; I think that I should be so much more as well as so much less - less intense, more resourceful, perfectly at peace with my body, better at mothering - the list is endless. Every day is one that I wake up to almost an inhalation - holding my breath as I power through trying to conquer my faults. Come on, Becca. Come on, Bec. Better, faster, stronger. Motto for always. Motto that is mine.
At any rate, I backtracked again and went through the usual cycles to pull out of it - sadness, frustration with myself, a touch of bleakness, you name it. And then I usually spiral just a little bit further to make sure that I am just as unworthy as I feel in hopes that it might assuage my guilt for missing where I wanted to be within my never-ending expectations of Self. I made it through the cycle and on a determined breath of energy, re-launched.
I pray often - but it is more through continual conversation with Heavenly Father rather than tradition prayer (yes, I love knowing that there is always an open line into Heaven for always). Smiles. So, I was driving back from taking one of my twin sons to his talent show, and I said to Heavenly Father, "I think I've got it." No sooner had I even breathed the last syllable then I felt this warmth come over my body and His words whisper through my head, "I'm proud of you."
It was so unexpected that I broke into tears. I felt a release of struggle, of explanations for why I don't make my goals time, and time again -- the getting something with my head and yet that ever-so-difficult implementation into life. Oh, the cliff many of us stand on in an absurd struggle to stay on the ledges of insecurity!
I knew more powerfully than in any other moment of my lifetime, that struggle doesn't have to be. God is our Father, He is our Maker. He blesses us from the smallest infinitesimal miracle to the larger ones that fill our beings with absolute wonder and humility. More than that, the battle has already been won by Christ. We do not have to continually beat ourselves up for how many times we backtrack. We must just continue to come unto Him, "all who are weary" when those times in our lives happen.
It's hard to explain to people the joy that I feel every day. Some think that it must be fake -- because no one can feel that Joy. Some think that everything must be perfect in my life and dislike my expression of it. None of this is true. I testify that my joy comes from the knowledge of God's intimate love, gentleness, and care. I want to share with all of my Being that "perfect Love casteth out all Fear."
My husband and I are in the middle of the same things many people are struggling with: health and job woes, financial uncertainty; but, the laughter, faith and love that exists on a constant plane of feeling of God's love, is indescribable. Palpable. Real and sure. Because of our challenges, we feel of the miracles in ways that are faith-building and joy-sustaining.
Adding this very humbling experience - one that taught me beyond my own knowledge that struggle is man-made, I feel so compelled to share a witness to the fact that our Heavenly Father does, indeed, have His hand out waiting and His arms wide open, for every single one of us. And what we must do is stop thinking that we have to try so hard by ourselves first; for, all we have to do is simply take His hand as we are, right now, to feel love and peace, encouragement and comfort, while walking through our Life experiences.
I love God with all of my heart. I love this family more than I could possibly express. And if the over-sharing today hits someone who needs it - I hope you feel deeply in this moment - in supplication of our Almighty, that you *are* worth it. And to let go the stripes you put upon your own back no matter how many times you think you fail or want. Christ died for us. The battle and the pain have already been won and are taken. We do not need to suffer. Step into Love and believe on His name.
Happy Sunday. ♥
Bec
(Blog written February 10, 2013)
I'm always trying to better myself; I think that I should be so much more as well as so much less - less intense, more resourceful, perfectly at peace with my body, better at mothering - the list is endless. Every day is one that I wake up to almost an inhalation - holding my breath as I power through trying to conquer my faults. Come on, Becca. Come on, Bec. Better, faster, stronger. Motto for always. Motto that is mine.
At any rate, I backtracked again and went through the usual cycles to pull out of it - sadness, frustration with myself, a touch of bleakness, you name it. And then I usually spiral just a little bit further to make sure that I am just as unworthy as I feel in hopes that it might assuage my guilt for missing where I wanted to be within my never-ending expectations of Self. I made it through the cycle and on a determined breath of energy, re-launched.
I pray often - but it is more through continual conversation with Heavenly Father rather than tradition prayer (yes, I love knowing that there is always an open line into Heaven for always). Smiles. So, I was driving back from taking one of my twin sons to his talent show, and I said to Heavenly Father, "I think I've got it." No sooner had I even breathed the last syllable then I felt this warmth come over my body and His words whisper through my head, "I'm proud of you."
It was so unexpected that I broke into tears. I felt a release of struggle, of explanations for why I don't make my goals time, and time again -- the getting something with my head and yet that ever-so-difficult implementation into life. Oh, the cliff many of us stand on in an absurd struggle to stay on the ledges of insecurity!
I knew more powerfully than in any other moment of my lifetime, that struggle doesn't have to be. God is our Father, He is our Maker. He blesses us from the smallest infinitesimal miracle to the larger ones that fill our beings with absolute wonder and humility. More than that, the battle has already been won by Christ. We do not have to continually beat ourselves up for how many times we backtrack. We must just continue to come unto Him, "all who are weary" when those times in our lives happen.
It's hard to explain to people the joy that I feel every day. Some think that it must be fake -- because no one can feel that Joy. Some think that everything must be perfect in my life and dislike my expression of it. None of this is true. I testify that my joy comes from the knowledge of God's intimate love, gentleness, and care. I want to share with all of my Being that "perfect Love casteth out all Fear."
My husband and I are in the middle of the same things many people are struggling with: health and job woes, financial uncertainty; but, the laughter, faith and love that exists on a constant plane of feeling of God's love, is indescribable. Palpable. Real and sure. Because of our challenges, we feel of the miracles in ways that are faith-building and joy-sustaining.
Adding this very humbling experience - one that taught me beyond my own knowledge that struggle is man-made, I feel so compelled to share a witness to the fact that our Heavenly Father does, indeed, have His hand out waiting and His arms wide open, for every single one of us. And what we must do is stop thinking that we have to try so hard by ourselves first; for, all we have to do is simply take His hand as we are, right now, to feel love and peace, encouragement and comfort, while walking through our Life experiences.
I love God with all of my heart. I love this family more than I could possibly express. And if the over-sharing today hits someone who needs it - I hope you feel deeply in this moment - in supplication of our Almighty, that you *are* worth it. And to let go the stripes you put upon your own back no matter how many times you think you fail or want. Christ died for us. The battle and the pain have already been won and are taken. We do not need to suffer. Step into Love and believe on His name.
Happy Sunday. ♥
Bec
(Blog written February 10, 2013)
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