Fortitude

The truth is that I'm not lucky. The truth is that I'm not living within a fantasy world of naive machinations. The truth is that I once met the darkness of my soul and yearning in a pool of hopelessness and pain, and saw one spark of hope that compelled me to address the hollow lifelessness inside of my heart to seek the glimmer of light, begging for my attention and demanding that I never mire within my own shallow needs. Ever. Again.

The truth is that even within the midst of heartache and pain, I knew my own responsibility and choices - those that pointed to a decision to remember that life, itself, is a gift and not an idle miracle for a select few; that tragedy is for the bitter and disconsolate and not for the pure in heart. To realize that even casual breaths of oxygen are not just a reminder - no, they are a sacred edict to not only reject negativity, but to rise up within bravery and the resolute determination to meet and receive every miracle in whatever form they might deign to arrive. And, more - that the discovery and acceptance of responsibility will always, always reveal limitless joy.

Destiny and Divine inheritance are there to be had if we would only but be open to receive them.

The truth is, I knew that as a mother, my first responsibility before personal emotion, was to see to the welfare, joy, and success of my children; to never give up as long as my history and wisdom could provide sweetness, strength, perseverance, perspective, and the balance of grace in the shaping of their lives.

The truth is that when lies of toxic turbulence from anyone - partners, loved ones, well-meaning friends -- or even those whom we may have once trusted - none of these have to be accepted. None.

Ever.

In fact, it is mercy to reject such things. It is mercy to release others to their own processes, misery. It is mercy to let them wallow in and discover why they must drown in their own pity. And to leave them to it -- in gentleness, nonetheless.

We are all perfect within imperfection (I can't say this enough!); and yet we are also living within a world fraught with comparison, exacerbated by portended rights, and subsequently stripped of individual awareness. And while knowledge, compassion, trusting, vulnerability, and eagerness might be all evidences of buoyant youthfulness, today's social structures seek to manipulate against personal responsibility, while condemning, alienating, undermining, and vilifying anyone else's success.

It is little wonder the rampant dis(ease) of depression and demise so prolific within our communities and across social media, academia, and even government: self worth swindled and misrepresented, artificial highs sold at top dollar, marketed for gain, denying the inevitable lows, yet guaranteeing an aftermath of perpetuated jealousy and anger against the world at large.

Every time.

I maintain once more that we are, you are, they are: breathing, seeking, being, searching, learning, fearing, enduring -- yet worthwhile. Counted. Needed.

Needful.

So, you. Yes, you! Who might feel the sting of familiarity and displaced disgrace: Shake it off.

You are worthy.

Don't assign someone else's perception of your path where it doesn't belong. We're all here to journey for ourselves, in our time, as we learn, because we can. It's ours, and ours only, from a loving Father in Heaven.

So, square you shoulders and hear my voice. Hear my heart: hear my longing. Hear the sighs of loneliness I once felt. Feel the intensity of my aching when I once I gazed up into a Colorado night, tears sliding down my cheeks because I felt lost, helpless, stuck. Done.

Yet, because of this, I unequivocally know that God is aware of each of us now as we are, where we are. How we feel, and what we need.

But timing is everything. Please, trust this.

Believe.

Don't hurry the end, for you'll miss the process, insight, understanding, direction, and a multiplicity of other blessings.

Don't be hungry for love, for it will come; and it will be the kind that will sustain you, move you, inspire you, champion and invigorate your senses. It will unleash your spirit and lead you to see life with a measure of exuberance and fire, unrestrained, and fully engaged.

I moved hundreds of miles away -- across three states, to be exact, and have what I have now. My life turned on a dime. It makes me think of how foolish it is to guarantee tomorrow as if we'll live forever -- or more ignorantly, move about in morose malaise, inconsiderate of such a miracle.

So, rise up: accept, relish, and glory in everything that you have, experience, and are now. Yield to what was, for it has given you the promise and direction to discern and consider your thoughts for the morrow. Disallow all negativity, blame, and anyone whose sole purpose would malign your soul for their own misbegotten justification.

You are. And not only ARE you - living, breathing, seeking - you are blessed. And will be. So stare up at the sky now, not in sadness, but in expectation; for your heart and soul, wants and needs, are painted within the myriad of hues of an insistent and brilliant dawn, and it will magnify the course, direction, and consequence of your mortal existence when your mind meets completion under the shining brightness of the noon-day sun.

When you are ready, you will become. And you will recognize the magnificence that is within you.

So for now, let the lights of night dance upon you. The stars will light the way, thought upon thought, until you are ready for the day.

Living Joy - This Carman Girl