Revelation

I feel humbled. Grateful. Serene. Centered. I marvel at the love, growth, understanding, and acceptance I have found within this new life of mine. I think of happiness and all that it means in terms of commitment, contentment, peace and sweetness; it's the absence of anxiety and an unabashed onset of unadulterated joy. It's the embrace of spirit and a continuity of being that steps into a forthright presence of self and power, firmly standing in a solidarity of equanimity, no matter the varied realities of everyday life.

More simply, it's the breathlessness of an exquisite sunset, the kindness of a stranger, the searing power of eye-contact, and the potent exhilaration of vitality that can't help but spill over when rethinking mortality and moving on into engaging in a life that is hellbent on making every moment count - above and beyond all odds.

I am galvanized.

Intoxicated.

Invigorated.

In love.

I am filled with a kind of euphoria that tempers the fierceness of my spirit, gently restraining my often passionate soul from platforms of opinion to simply beseech lenience and to bask in being. And while my life is certainly not glamorous, and very definitely not the least bit wealthy, it is nonetheless wealthy in love: in family, friends, colleagues, children. In endless wit, humor, and in the conversations that seem to always and forever be consumed by laughter.

Deep sighs.

Pause. Exhale.

Smiles.

Oh, yes! These are the things of life! Nothing ever wrapped in some tidy bow, yet easily loosened and gifted every day. Sated and replete, yet complete while in incompletion. And though my thoughts may run rampant, day in and day out; and while my mind expands and heart pounds under a darkened sea of skies and stars, universe and more - ever still, my soul is somehow always restrained from the helter-skelter, full-throttle intensity of my signature "better, faster, stronger" mentality.

I am grounded.

Settled.

All in.

Present.

And somehow bewildered by the idea, much less the gift, of blanket security.

Today, I give over to every single experience. And while my spirit might sometimes still fear the worthiness of peace - isn't it what we should all embrace and aspire to?! The blessings of fully engaging?! It's expectations that declare that nothing could be more perfect then the now of every moment. It is a power, exuberance, and endless supply of sunrise mornings that tease into anticipation, the promises of sun-drenched afternoons and lilting laughter. It's the beguiling bliss of releasing the transience of life's ills within the marked and rebellious vigor of hair shaken out, shaken down, and giving over to the flirtations of singularly unrepentant breezes.

My heart beats here.

And it beats when the deliciousness of the night air overwhelms my senses and lends such fragrance to simply pause. Feel. Absorb. Yield. And then to soak up total satisfaction and a blanket of peace. It's the reminiscence of scenery and beauty, craggy peaks, and clever, elusive cloud formations. It's to see that shadows and perspective change upon the release of need and the turn of a dime.

To choose Joy.

To choose it. Not fight it. Hate it. Ignore it. Run from it. But to full-out. All out. Step outside of any other place to see it. Naked vulnerability meeting a consummation of stillness, keenness of breathing, and the sentience of purpose.

Perfect light.

Perhaps I was once broken and always climbing; but now, while pebbles will always slip, I am no more lost, bewildered, frightened, or sad.

Imperfection is. As is aging.

Gracefully. It's a serenity that fully accepts this person, this woman, this body, this place.

In time. Now.

All Mine.

Living Joy - This Carman Girl