Human nature shies away from the unknown; it's unfocused, untried, blurry, distant and frightening. We'd much rather stay within the corridors of known than venture out into any terrifying, open space that could provide no sense of control (even if it would also mean the inevitability of dwelling within the same staid and tired patterns).
This afternoon gave me a few stolen moments to slip open the cover to the Yamaha piano, and with headphones on, play to my heart's content. As usual, I deftly skipped over the pieces that in any way looked too intricate and far removed from my want for immediate-gratification, comfort and ability. The lilt and lyrical exploration of rumination and contemplation wished for whimsical expression as well as certain surcease. Replaying Mozart and Debussy for the nth time gave me what I needed even though the notes seemed to ring at my touch with a near listless tedium.
As I put aside the pieces, my small foray into introspection and melancholy met, my shoulders squared as determination, purpose and resolve righted themselves. I set the music to the side and switched the piano to "play". The same pieces I had just played rang out and then moved on to those I had flipped passed so quickly. The Piano Sonate op.13 "Pathetique" 2nd movement played next. I recognized its melody instantly while within the same moment registered that it was simplistic in all ways and one that I had not yet played. Intrigued, I turned back to my piano book to look for it. How could I have possibly missed this one?
Staring at a page I had dismissed countless times, I found it - having never really examined it since it appeared too difficult. With the mildest hesitation, I haltingly began to play, my fingers tentatively seeking the notes and then gathering confidence as sound after sound, measure after measure, my endeavor echoed what I had listened to. With ease. I felt the thud of idiocy and so much comical epiphany. Human nature, indeed.
In so many things, we miss out by the simple dismissal of the looks of it. We miss out on communication, distance, time, opportunity, talent, compassion, learning, edification, forgiveness, change. We miss out on even the basic and first precept: Belief.
Belief is the carriage of hope and the conduit of change. One can hope and do nothing and very definitely receive nothing. One can believe and yet do all things. Yes, all things.
I believe. With all of my heart. And I believe that there are notes to be played with the mightiest crescendo just as there are rest stops for expression. The discernment of each, of when to choose action and when to pause, can only be evaluated personally as to our own fears and ideas. In the inanity of my often self-confining thoughts, I am reminded yet again from a melodic interlude with Beethoven.
Mmmm, yes. Believe.
- This Carman Girl
No comments:
Post a Comment