Traffic

My mind goes a million miles an hour. It just does. Rather than preface every single post with this qualifier I should just add it as a title to my name. Smiles. That being said, here's what's on my mind right this minute: There is so much talk of equality and oppression across the board - from entitlements, to gender activists, to religious and political affiliations and socio-economic agendas. Many times, my heart roars up with the ethics of my soul and I post opinion with a fierceness of position that entirely lays claim to a jurisdiction that solely adheres to a manifesto of integrity. What I am finding is that while that is well and good, it is gentleness that speaks the loudest; it is gentleness that entreats the most. It is the open space of acceptance and love that provides safe opportunity for ourselves and others to examine whether our collective roars are simply nothing more than pleadings to be heard. To believe. To be validated. To be acknowledged. To be counted. To be appreciated. To be noticed. To cry for justice.
 

Integrity is essential even so. I have often said that truth is the only source wherein any viability can be established and maintained. And yet it is in its presentation that lessons of morality outside of dogma can either serve to inspire or alienate. Gentleness is everything. Love is everything. I see negativity lined up and represented in varied ways: People vying desperately for their rights; people anxious to be accepted outside of judgment or exclusion; quotes that are posted with kickback aftertastes saddled with oppression. And I have come to conclude that rights cannot be marched, picketed or proclaimed. When we give credence to the negative, we allow it sovereign reign. Period. What is capitalized is advertised.

Love, however - Love is everything. It is not a place or realm of naïve existentialism. It is not ignorance, or a walk or throw-back to the Sixties; it is an allowance that does not seek to control the thoughts of others or mete out their judgment. It is a space that is powerful but light; unassuming, but filled with meaning; light-hearted, yet that much more relevant. When we choose to refuse the warring factions of defensive or offensive engagement and step into acceptance, compassion, tolerance, association, and understanding - that is when we get somewhere. That is when hearing becomes listening, seeing becomes recognizing, and speaking becomes inspiring.

Love. To love. To not segregate, separate, associate or commiserate. To stand up in the authenticity of self and to allow and encourage others to do the same; for it is in spaces of safety that growth happens and healing begins, consciousness remembers, and the unencumbered zest and hope of childhood regains memory. Thoughts align rather than defend as adult selves come full circle into precious truths and light, releasing the need for platforms and loud admonitions. Yes, that is when reciprocity begets reciprocity and real Love begins. For Always. For the long term. And for legacy. The only deceit is ever accepting a war. Give love; be love.

Xo,

Becca

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

Heart in Pieces

I've watched this day arrive for weeks now, knowing that the sun would shine, the world would pass on by, but that those who knew him would feel the ache even still. I miss Grandad; today he would have been 97. Oh, I miss him so much. On so many occasions I write about him because I simply cannot help myself - here I am again, feeling the silence of the morning without him, without our daily phone-calls, without his dry humor, without his infinite wisdom. This time, my words will tumble one upon another, raw, unedited, hardly graceful prose; but they flow from my heart with a rush of tears as the hiccups and staccato of my typing empathize with the soundless wailing inside my heart.

 

Few people come into this world so unerringly extraordinary, so selfless, so independent and yet so involved. Few people understand what it is to step beyond themselves every day and every moment to seek and shape the lives of their loved ones. Too many of us walk around as adults, caught within cycles of childhood, pretending to be parents, while 40, 50, 60 arrive and perhaps too late, the grave swallows us whole. Life wasted in wishful thinking, in mundane, in acceptance of the mediocre or in blaming others for any and all pitfalls.

It is remarkable that every turn of media, every public conversation, every corner market, cell phone app - every single one exists for the promotion of self only. Everything is about improvement and pedestal, acceptance and glorification. These are hollow, lifeless, self-consumed, empty, bitter and uninspired emotional highs, deceitfully hidden within their self-described swag packaging - garish. Miserable. Worthless.

Grandad was born in an age I envy with all of my heart. I feel displaced. Cheated. My being and thoughts align with the 30s and 40s. My sense of family, of being a woman, the characterization and classification of family so untouched, so pure. So purposeful. Family meant something. Family was everything. Money and corporate station was not the center of esteem but quiet necessities, a supporting cast to hearth and home, love and laughter, simplicity, yet ever-so-wealthy in Joy, in spirit, in connection. Life was about creation, innovation, mutual give and take and the commitment to building and continuing legacy and the family name.

All of us have someone whom we revere within our families. But do any of us realize that we could become that for our children, for their children, for others? We have gifts and identity, purpose and a divine life plan to blossom into selves of the same fiber, stature and inspiration. Who we are now affects the lives our children lead. Is family first? Will they always be first? Do we assume that once they are eighteen, our job is done? Or are we there - always. Always ready to lift, to gift, to encourage...one phone call away, instant messaging for those critical moments of wisdom or emotional need. I know without a doubt that Grandad lived until I was able to fly on my own wings. I know that this man and the twinkle in his eyes, his matter-of-fact demeanor and yet mercilessly teasing humor, continues to drive my determination to achieve. Not for myself. But outside myself. For others. To give what he gave me. To carry forward and onward.

In my mind, I can still walk down the familiar stone steps, heart beating with anticipation for the chime of the ancient Grandfather clock, its moon face smiling in greeting, a spinning wheel set to the side of a white marble hearth as a stately Pyrenees lifts its head to acknowledge my arrival. Tucked into a turn-of-the-century ornately carved chair, Grandma, a sweater about her shoulders, absent-mindedly reading the pages of a Harlequin Romance novel. Several curio cabinets gracing the room housing a variety of porcelain figurines; my favorites - romantic couples in the sway of ballroom dancing, propelling me back into a wonderland of youth and fantasy. Oil paintings and gilt mirrors, brocade drapes and a telescope atop a large cabinet compelling my eyes to take in breathtaking window views of the Puget Sound. Welcoming waves crashing on the beach of Lincoln Park just down the way and a ferry boat's wake dissolving into the mists of pacific northwest glory. More tears slide down my cheeks.

Death, I loathe thee. I ache and hurt. Want and remember. I wish with all of my heart that this side of Living could be as peaceful as the blissful sleep of those who have passed on. I want, beg, will and know that for all the missing of this man who shaped my being, my insistence on integrity and will-power, fortitude and the pursuit of dreaming, achieving and never quitting, that it was who Grandad was and his legacy that I refuse to forget. I refuse for my children to not remember. I want my children's children and so on to be able to pick him out of a photograph. I will not ever let him be a nameless face from generations long forgotten. I want to live a life that gives to mine the way he did for me. Outside myself. For the greater good. For Love. For Family.

Today, I remember him, honor him, think of him and just might have to whip up a batch of lemon squares and stick them on top of the microwave for a snack at midnight in his honor. Life is a gift. Every moment, every breath. Don't waste one moment. Give, gift, repair, become, enjoy and open your arms to every lesson, every stage, every learning curve and every opportunity to share Joy, gratitude and encouragement.

Happy Birthday, Grandad. You are remembered today in more ways than pages and pages of words could express. I love you from the deepest part of my soul and I cherish the gifts you have given that live on inside of me.

Love,
Becca

- This Carman Girl

 

 

Time Stamp

Routine. It's a word that calms frazzled nerves and puts order into life seemingly in a state of never-ending upheaval. It's maintaining a clean home, prioritizing the bills, dressing to ensure I don't slip into the realm of mother undone. It's regulating the events of the day so as to feel confident that every thing and everyone I love is taken care of. It's knowing that from one moment to the next all that I can control, is controlled; that perhaps my heart will not beat as quickly, fear will not overwhelm my senses, and panic will be left at bay if the unexpected threatens to knock me to the ground and leave me spattered and exposed on the sidewalk. 

If someone were to ask me if I was a spontaneous or controlled person, invariably my answer has always been, controlled. And yet...

I am mother, racing around the house after my boys, soaking up their mock fright and squeals of laughter. I am woman craving the fragrant night air, out as often as I can, drinking in the heaven starlight cradled by billowing clouds idling by. I am impulsive and energetic, riotous and irreverent. I am better at surprising with gifts from my heart than honoring significant dates on a calendar. I wear my heart on my sleeve and love with untamed intensity - a fierce tigress who should never be cornered. I am fire and flame and cannot be doused for I know nothing could keep me from escaping the grate. 

Wry smile. So...

It would seem that all this talk of controlling routine is purely a matter of relativity. Safety is merely a turn of thought. Pain or dismay can swiftly turn into serene calm within as little as five minutes no matter the personal value of the crisis or disappointment. The question then becomes: how long will one remain in stasis - absorbing, courting, wallowing within dark currents before awareness of this relativity hits?

As I move through experience after experience, each having brought differing levels of growth in uncertainty, I am finding that I not only survive them, but I continue to flourish; I not only remain viable, but I become more powerful. Spirited. Better. Stronger. Alive. As conscious thought wraps itself around my own theory of relativity, the time spent in frazzled worry lessens with each occurrence. Which has my long-winded, ever-uncontrolled, streaming flow of unsolicited, unedited consciousness finally coming to the real point: If disappointment, circumstance, delay or pain can morph into well-being on the change of thought (not to mention sometimes a bottle of wine or an entire chocolate cake), what do we have to gain by seeking a quick resolution if the decision found does not include all possible knowledge or consequence?

Why do we feel like we are left to the buffeting of a violent storm when things don't go as we plan, or even worse - we don't obtain immediate answers? Why the need to define a clear path right away? Safety? I think not. True safety would not support a decision with the primary motivator being a blinding need to feel less fear, pain or worry. True safety lies in finding internal truth - in bending self and building soul.

If a sense of safety can be turned by a carton of Ben & Jerry's (keeping it real), then true growth can only happen by stepping out during the eye of the storm and surveying the damage so as to learn how to best survive the remainder of the fray. There is so much to learn within the fragmented moments of our lives. Having the courage to seek the safety in the learning can save us from endless cycles of the same and change the very definition, outcome, subtlety and structure of what we ever considered to be well-being.

Embrace the unknown; don't waste so much negative energy wishing for the tidy bow gracing the perfectly controlled package. It's all relative. Float. Dance with it. Try sliding down the rays of sunshine sifting through those forbidding clouds like shots of golden silk gleaming in smoke and firelight. Poke through the cinders and find the ring; find your inner Eliza Doolittle and don't be satisfied with so many words with so little meaning - including those words you say to yourself. Find the joyful stillness in each moment and consider it a gift.

I don't know that I will ever be able to have a messy home; peace is my mantra. And God forbid that I would ever trade in my signature platform heels for sneakers. Sneakers!? Shudder. But I do know that control is merely relative and that true safety is found within the process. So don't be afraid to crack open the most expensive, exceptional bottle of wine. Give it time to aerate on the counter longer than you normally would. Leave behind anxious and allow the nuances of the vintage opportunity to smooth bitterness and enhance flavor and sweetness. Drink up this life. It's delicious no matter what. Cheers.

- The Carman Girl

Blessings

Energy, vitality, well-being. A resolution to not waste one moment. Awareness. Every day a choice to live in active expression for the gratitude and privilege of life, family, love, Joy. All else is merely here to enhance our experiences on earth. Gifts to Self.
- This Carman Girl

Let Summer Begin

There are some people who walk around, moving about their lives in weariness and negativity, reactive and disillusioned - not because they consciously decided to be cynical or bitter, but because they began to believe through consecutive hardships, that life was a struggle - something to war with, strive for, fight passionately, or battle. As displaced fear and perhaps abuses of obvious or lesser kinds from others layered scars and then were compounded by the fallout of difficulty from countless poor decisions made thereafter - decisions influenced by the same life conditions and repetitive cycles - they mistakenly came to accept that they would have to use force to ever gain what they longingly and so rightly deserve as precious children of a loving Heavenly Father.
 

Yet everyone deserves happiness. Everyone. And none of it need come from having to win anything over another. Oh, no. In fact, whether young or old, poor or wealthy, married or divorced, single or alone, all of us have the sacred right to happiness. It is a bounteous gift generously available from a Father, who with tender and loving eyes, waits patiently, steadily entreating us to look to Him to see ourselves within the wholeness of who we are, as we are, where we are, for what we are, and what we're meant to have in this mortal experience.

His esteem holds the perfect truth as to the worth of our souls and the happiness he has personally designed for each one of our lives. He, alone, can heal every real wrong, erase every pattern of discontent, and will flood the warmth of his Spirit and the light of Christ upon us wherein all things of worldly consequence melt away and the shining glory of our sacred importance stands. For all time. Indelibly. Perfectly. Poignantly. A space of brightness, hope, light and infinite love.

When we let go of any and all defenses, offenses, insecurities and will, bravely casting our eyes to the Heavens, uncaring of how anyone else has categorized, thought or judged us, and meekly allow Him to bathe us in the pool of His love and mercy, it is then that the Heavens open and our spirits are cleansed. And where there may have been misery, there is peace; where there was hurt, there is healing. Where there was anger, there is cognizance and compassion. Where there was disappointment, there is hope, belief, clarity and purpose.

And it is then, when we understand that it is up to us to give ourselves the gifts of leniency, tenderness, patience, and to always choose to shine, that we are helpless to not only feel the euphoria of that Joy and peace well up within, but passionately, gloriously, wish to share it with others. And that is when the prosperity, blessings, wants, desires, pathways and purpose that are ours alone to have, find power to materialize and can transform our lives.

What a magnificent gift - available any moment, any day. Let the season begin now. Give love; be love. Go out and live this life: Do it. Be it. Live it. Love it.

XO,

Becca

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

Shelter In The Sky

It never ceases to amaze me these days how many people not only live within negativity but seem to court it and look askance at those of us who find joy. They seem to disregard all that is positive and simply collect offenses that reinforce their perception of how the world treats them. Whispering, complaining, mocking...

I've been at the bottom. I know the darkest corners of my soul. I know what it's like to have collapsed in body and spirit utterly and completely - to have died in pieces daily until one last moment clinched all sparks of light. I have known the heartache of having existed, reached, worked and labored for one goal only to find years later it was based upon complete and total deception. I know the enormous cost of pain and despair.
 

Yet as I move my energy into a space that is buoyant and filled with lustful zest, laughter and freedom, I recognize even more those who don't take responsibility for their happiness. So much inside of me mourns for them, aches for their self-inflicted sorrow as well as the disappointing, painful and very real experiences that may have brought them to such a state. I see them choose not to kick off from the bottom of the deep and it tears at my heart in deep waves of empathy. But what I have learned is that the beat of our hearts, the gifts we have to explore, the relationships we learn from, and the lessons along the way are far too precious to waste.

Our lives rarely follow the formula we planned from childhood. The dips and turns between the markers of adolescence, adulthood, career and marriage bring with them unseen complications and sometimes many reasons to feel anger and disillusionment. And yet all the more reason to take a second look and discard every perception, idea and characterization of prosperity and success. I have found reason to bask in the very air I breathe and find a different set of rules to measure my existence.

Fulfillment should be summed up in the smallest possible standard: To live with full integrity and to love with equal measure. If we fail to see the point, then we are not living from the purest source inside. Joy does not know kickbacks; joy comes from within and does not ever seek payment for the sharing. Everything else is a matter of relativity: Illness, death, struggle, vice - all turn on the variables of season and escalate with the inconsistencies of emotion. None of these should be entrusted with the consequence of our happiness.

I now laugh more at myself for all of my follies. There are days that a whirlpool opens up and beckons from the dark when at times my fears and uncertainties seek to threaten my well-being; but I know the difference between what matters, what counts, and absolutely refuse to give of my life essence to be sucked away into a pit of mire. I know the infusion of Joy and the strength of my spirit. I know my value under the heavens as much as I know without a shadow of a doubt that every experience is a gift in every way that counts. Every turn of thought has the opportunity for personal growth, the dissection of honesty and intent, ownership and a powerful rise in the acceptance and privilege it is to take fully the reins of responsibility.

There is a definitive choice every day, every hour, every minute, to cast our eyes around and breathe deeply into our lungs the very essence of our creation, refusing untruth in its entirety. The question is, will we leave this earth broken, having always blamed others, absorbed in groups of pity, gossip and discontent? Or will we leave with spirit, grace and joy? Will we have lived so well that we will leave a legacy? Will we have empowered our own with the knowledge of their infinite possibilities so that they feel the permission and freedom to achieve?

Here's to the protection of our life space - to energy, joy and family. To surrounding ourselves with love, compassion, insight, awareness and gentleness. Here's to living everything we are now - fully. Unapologetically. Passionately. Here's to the prosperity of our hearts and the generosity and healing there is in disallowing stagnant dreams, emotions or outlook. Here's to being Vital. Willfully so.

- This Carman Girl

 

Symposium

Perhaps women, alone, are to blame for the perpetuation of undermining their capabilities; we damn the innate sanctity of being woman by virtue of continuing to play into the wars that pit those who stay home versus those who choose to work. Although there was a time and a place where the voice of woman was unheard, uncounted, disrespected and considered by the corporate world through eyes of sardonic intolerance and near amusement, the essence of being woman or man (for that matter) simply is. Neither requires demonstrative or defensive interpretation and does not necessitate demeaning language to prove value. 

No matter what we have chosen to seek in life, each one of us are all of the things we want to be in the now. Our ability to engage, multitask and succeed, whether in the career world or at home, is the inherent truth. We have actually subjugated ourselves by the very nature of engaging in the fight; for while in the process of seeking equality by suggesting that the innately feminine gifts that come from being a housewife and serving our families are somehow not the priceless, unparalleled, truly beautiful gifts of being woman, we have assumed that women who enjoy staying home as nurturers are either brainless, subservient, have succumbed to a lesser role, or made a sacrifice. And for many who do stay home, their attempt to turn every centerpiece and matching outfit into some kind of self-serving statement equally adds to the mire.

Nonsense. To all of it.

Oh, women! Don't perpetuate the untruth and label each other. The raising of children does not subtract from our abilities but rather increases the myriad of things we know, adding critical insight and discernment which indeed can serve to enhance our corporate capacity. The ability to head departments and execute with precision and exactness the powerful roles of acquisition, innovation and creativity does not detract from the measure of our intrinsic womanhood. Nor does it offer commentary and judgment upon our skills in nurturing our own from outside the home.

When all is said and done, the most confident women do not need to strive for public valuation, nor conversely, return judgment while sitting counsel from tables of crayons and story books. Whether we utilize our gifts for social recognition or domestic application, we are one and the same. Discussions to that end leave feminism behind and move into deep-seeded issues of esteem. Confidence does not question, ask, seek or feel compelled to find approval. Confidence already owns its name and moves forward with full possession of its talent and magnifies its make and meaning.

To be female is to be feminist no matter how we move about our lives. To glory in the grace and elegance of our carriage is to be feminine. To run with power and strength, endurance and dedication, is feminine. To calculate, deliberate, resolve, assign, deliver and excel, is feminine. To let ourselves weep until there are no more tears after an overwhelming stretch of serving, nurturing, working and doing, is feminine. To draw in breaths of steel determination and broker no resistance in the pursuit of our goals, is feminine. And all, very much feminist. By the very breath of our creation, we are beings of wisdom, talent, tenacity, intelligence and ability. Let it stand.

There is no definition nor judgment regarding the personal choice it is to enjoy the fruits of home labor or career success. Racism continues because we continue to address its appellation; feminism continues its fight simply upon the competitive culture that remains among women. To end it means to no longer bring it to the discussion table. Period. A transcendental truth is that nothing, no matter what it is or who it is, belongs inside a box to be definitively trapped within undue, unjustified and derogatory dispute.

Ownership is everything. Ownership knows no boundaries. Ownership thrives. Ownership embraces womanhood. Womanhood is what we share. We are women. More than that - we have our own individual names, purpose and ability. So, be woman. Be you.

- This Carman Girl

 

Adagio Cantabile

Human nature shies away from the unknown; it's unfocused, untried, blurry, distant and frightening. We'd much rather stay within the corridors of known than venture out into any terrifying, open space that could provide no sense of control (even if it would also mean the inevitability of dwelling within the same staid and tired patterns).

This afternoon gave me a few stolen moments to slip open the cover to the Yamaha piano, and with headphones on, play to my heart's content. As usual, I deftly skipped over the pieces that in any way looked too intricate and far removed from my want for immediate-gratification, comfort and ability. The lilt and lyrical exploration of rumination and contemplation wished for whimsical expression as well as certain surcease. Replaying Mozart and Debussy for the nth time gave me what I needed even though the notes seemed to ring at my touch with a near listless tedium.

As I put aside the pieces, my small foray into introspection and melancholy met, my shoulders squared as determination, purpose and resolve righted themselves. I set the music to the side and switched the piano to "play". The same pieces I had just played rang out and then moved on to those I had flipped passed so quickly. The Piano Sonate op.13 "Pathetique" 2nd movement played next. I recognized its melody instantly while within the same moment registered that it was simplistic in all ways and one that I had not yet played. Intrigued, I turned back to my piano book to look for it. How could I have possibly missed this one?

Staring at a page I had dismissed countless times, I found it - having never really examined it since it appeared too difficult. With the mildest hesitation, I haltingly began to play, my fingers tentatively seeking the notes and then gathering confidence as sound after sound, measure after measure, my endeavor echoed what I had listened to. With ease. I felt the thud of idiocy and so much comical epiphany. Human nature, indeed.

In so many things, we miss out by the simple dismissal of the looks of it. We miss out on communication, distance, time, opportunity, talent, compassion, learning, edification, forgiveness, change. We miss out on even the basic and first precept: Belief.

Belief is the carriage of hope and the conduit of change. One can hope and do nothing and very definitely receive nothing. One can believe and yet do all things. Yes, all things.

I believe. With all of my heart. And I believe that there are notes to be played with the mightiest crescendo just as there are rest stops for expression. The discernment of each, of when to choose action and when to pause, can only be evaluated personally as to our own fears and ideas. In the inanity of my often self-confining thoughts, I am reminded yet again from a melodic interlude with Beethoven.

Mmmm, yes. Believe. 

- This Carman Girl

 

Courtyard

In this life, we are not free from commitment or responsibility; yet in the execution and application of such, there is infinite freedom and limitless opportunity.

- This Carman Girl

Doorways

Integrity is the absolute rock of my belief system; it is the core matter of who we are, the values we unfailingly exercise, and the total dedication to doing the right thing no matter the outcome, circumstance or leadership. It is selfless, keen, determined, truthful, valiant and will always stay the course. It does not waver upon conditions nor embrace disingenuous tactics for personal gain since it knows that the percentage of a person's character can be solely measured by the total embodiment of its precepts. 
 
Honesty is its heartbeat while humility, temperance and patience are its guides. It is only through integrity that peace can exist. For when we are at peace with our actions - when, in every situation we exercise the power of its position, then the how, what and whys of the world are of no consequence since we know that truth is the basis to any prosperity - beginning with the prosperity of our souls.

If there is one thing I would teach my children, it is that integrity is the single most important principle to living; it is the key, power and essence of Being.

- This Carman Girl

 

Prosperity

Once we have received personal knowledge that is just and true and begin to act upon it, we are healed entirely. Yes, in that moment, when we accept all that we divinely are, refusing the balance, we are fully restored. Whole. Cleansed. Glorious. Beautiful. Free. Light. Any subsequent thoughts which tempt the measurements of an imperfect state of circumstance or physicality belong to the inadequate realm of unsanctified ego with its accompanying partners of fear and judgment. For wholeness means that we have stepped out of the inconsequential accounting of human time, rejecting its mortal ticking for the embrace of the eternal presence of Being. For we are, and have been, from the beginning... 
- This Carman Girl

Stepping Stones

A reactionary life dwells in the murky business of blame and self-pity, whereas a proactive life owns intent and is willing to account for any and all responsibility, including the guaranteed absolute satisfaction that comes from well-laid plans and the benefits of hard work.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

Skies of Love

If anyone were to ask me what I thought was the most valuable lesson to learn in this life, I would have to say that it is to remember the gifts of patience and time. Every time I have gotten on my knees in humble prayer, that is the answer given. And it never fails. There are so many blessings and miracles to be reaped from merely trusting in the process, letting go and giving over to waiting.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

 

Driven

Genius is always hungry, never rests and cannot conceptualize the idea of finished. Genius thrives yet can only accomplish greatness with the support of those who know how to harness, package and present the effort. True genius recognizes this need for such a partnership and will have the shrewdness of vision to hand-pick those with honed and proven skills in the capacity necessary to ultimately generate the highest return.

- This Carman Girl

Peak

Virtually any link with humanity brings the sweetness of another perspective. Ageless. A continual climb in delight and anticipation.

- This Carman Girl

Stranded

There is great simplicity in outwitting one's self. Well-developed blue-prints for a great endeavor are often planned with an initial contingency, a marker that must be met before we make the dive. And there we stay in the relative safety of a continuum simply because we do not have to fear failure since we haven't begun to try. I say, Be honest. Skip the barrier and bypass the insidious whispers. Leap.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

Northwinds

You cannot expect to go far if you begin life with your shoulders hunched. Be who you know you are...

- This Carman Girl

Generations

As sweet as this photo is, it's also remarkably precious as either spectrum speaks of the innate spirit inside each of us. As children, we have not yet been introduced to ego or valuation; as seniors, all popular markers of social importance have been revoked and denied by the artificially empty world of physicality, position and consequence. It is in old age that we are compelled to finally and fully define, love and live our own spirits and recognize the simplicity of childhood or see that life was a complete waste, built upon the wavering and fickle esteem of men.

 

There is a choice every day along this mortal journey to let go and release the little things that dampen our souls, weaken resolve and shutter dreams. Before long, stark evidences of impending mortality begin to increase month by month, year by year and can either be a cause for anxiety and depression or a benchmark of contentment, fruition, ease and mentoring. 

Refuse to allow the time suspended between this innocence and older age to become a senseless waste of tragic mire. Embrace it daily. Powerfully, willfully and soulfully. Deny all but the sensitivity, expression, individuality, talents and the sacredness of self and what you have to offer the world. Let every moment be a vital breathing source which allows for unlimited growth and fulfillment.

What we 40-something's want to express: Find value and live you before we began to get "it"; we're still bumping along and learning. Find out earlier in your youthful progression so that you might sidestep heartache, worry, insecurity and traction. Be bold. Be strong. Be different. Be that unrestrained toddler in everything you do while you blossom, live and dispense wisdom in a steady rise of maturity, grace and contentment. As Thoreau said, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Yes, for Always...

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

Flight

It's not until our own butterfly emerges that we come to realize just how much we may take upon ourselves the burdens of other people's choices, moods and attitudes. It's not until we release all and do not engage in old processes that clarity presents itself as those who would expect us to clean up their emotions become embittered in anger and resentment and are left to self-responsibility.

It can be difficult to step into Being and yet still remain firm while loving those who cannot quite see. These are strengthening processes of learning and living compassion. Remaining disengaged and gently loving from the sidelines while in the thick of it offers magnificent gifts and opportunities for all.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

 

Rivulets

It comes as no surprise that following growth there is always an immediate thread that taunts at the commitments of change. After all, we know that with goals there is a defined sense and outline, an express purpose and singular intent towards distant markers. The goal is seen as the prize. But in my view, this is why people predominantly fail; they are so caught in the destination that they don't put down the roots necessary to maintain their arrival.   

And yet, living from your heart has no goals and seeks no destination. Its very premise requires that each moment is one lived to full capacity and is also one of fulfillment by virtue of it having been done so with pure and total intent. Which consequently also means that there is no artificial motive for any decision. It's an absolute ownership of choices.

And so, as I nearly want to turn an about-face and gather up my notebooks filled with calendar dates and check-off marks, I ruefully shake my head and take one longing look at fear and goal sheets. No, I say. Even as the life demands of motherhood seem a little more pronounced today. No, I say, even though every screaming, controlling fiber within me wants to step back into the holding tank. No, I say. Not for me.

And so I breathe in; I deny fear. I close my eyes and sink into living now, living true and living peace...

- This Carman Girl

 

Lilac Blossoms

The silence that marks spaces between communication should never invite conjecture or the weaving of false scenarios and stories. Live in the now; live in what is. Exist within the unparalleled bliss of honest intention and the personal right and responsibility for happiness. Release all else. It's just another way of taking life and making it your own - deliciously effortless and extraordinarily sweet.

- This Carman Girl

 

Gateways

When you truly step inside of your Soul, you will no longer wish to undermine your spirit in any way that you had before; you will want only to nourish each cell and sinew to provide your mind with a generous sustenance of wisdom and compassion. You will no longer walk the insecure hallways of "me" but instead step into the limitless corridors of Being. Thus giving to generations.

- This Carman Girl

Birth Right

It is the absence of love, the denial of hope and the bleakness of despair that mold the evil in this world. Attending to the nurturing of love and hope within ourselves as well as within others is our first responsibility.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

Truth

Power lies in weakness. Strength basks in humility.

 

- This Carman Girl

 

 

Rebirth

Eager, hopeful, ready - it's my rebirth and I'm shedding the cumbersome clothes and stilted face paint of polite pretense. Oh, yes! Miracles of wisdom having played at masquerade with trial and pain. Hide and seek no more. Perhaps late in life, but the direction is mine. No more mute and undying fruitless honor for me, but parting ways with this partner and his sordid choices of play....

 
I'll choose the wisdom of Henry James over the drama, confusion or endless revisions of Dante Alighieri. Watch and wait. I'm breathless and alive with a future all mine for the making. The nymph who thought herself left behind in the sparkling moonlit lake of girlhood.

Re-emerging. Splashing. Playing. Laughing. So long forgotten but there all the same. Beckoning. Begging. Please, please close the book and donate its cover for that volume is obsolete.

I'm here, head thrown back, spontaneity unleashed yet direction defined. Giggling and dripping from the pleasures of the lake but ever ready to dry off and begin responsibility to a home all mine. Content in the now and basking in this freedom found.

 - This Carman Girl

 

Midtown Bistro

If we're truly interested in certain happiness, then we would listen when our wanting doesn't feel right. We would remember the rewards of waiting from the last go-round with desire and know to step past the street vendor selling cheap seconds for a dime. We would know that true bliss of a kind we've never yet experienced, waits for us and dares us to trust walking onward to the next intersection. Blind corners give way to cobbled streets, intimate enclosures and the full-bodied, complex maturity of a well-balanced red wine.

 

- This Carman Girl